The Work on my Self

Well it’s been ages since I last wrote a post… for the last 3 months I’ve been refitting my bathroom, and would never have believed how time consuming tiling the entire room would be - so that’s why people just tile a bit around the bath - you live and learn

For the first couple of months I was doing that 40+ hours a week, plus full time work, so didn’t really have any time for the technique. Initially I noticed a few bad habits such as really tensing my hamstrings while bending down, and seemed to be able to reduce that once I’d noticed it.

After a couple of months I had a week’s holiday in the sun and then went back to lying semi-supine for a n hour every day for a couple of weeks, and really noticed I could release a lot of tension. If you haven’t done it for a while it seems to be easier to release that way… it also goes to show how tension builds up unconsciously even if you’re aware that you might be doing it.

Might have another lesson soon, I found in the last lessson I had having the teacher point out at the point when you start doing something wrong was really useful, I guess that’s the benefit of the teacher…

Anyway, will have a think and write another post soon. Going to work some more with the stuff on http://posturereleaseimagery.org, I’ve found over the last couple of days that the image of separate segments of the body to be quite helpful in getting higher quality movement…

With doing some DIY I’ve noticed that when I crouch down balancing on my toes, I really tense my hamstrings, to the point that it’s painful to release them when I stand up. I think I’ve done this for a long time… the fact that I’ve noticed now is good.

This is very different to when I attentively squat down like they do in Asia, which is much more comfortable and relaxed, although I don’t have the range of motion any more to comfortably squat flat-footed on the floor.

Thinking back I used to do a lot of things that I’m bringing under control with the help of the Alexander Technique - habits I picked up trying to get the neck & shoulders comfortable, with each new thing I tried adding to the discomfort… an interesting point is that, although I couldn’t tell I was still doing any of these things (e.g. sucking in my stomach), when I tried to specifically stop (e.g. I refused to suck in my stomach) it made a difference and felt like I was making less effort than normal.

Interesting, if I’d lost my memory and couldn’t remember having done that in the past it would never have occurred to me to stop doing it… the muscle tone has a memory of habits I’ve consciously forgotten. I suppose that’s good or getting out of bed would take all day…

My habit list - the ones which spring to mind anyway

The list of these things I had been doing, and the reasons why, is interesting to note. These postural “sets” are involved in my every movement, and if I can add refusing to do these to my primary directions (neck, head, back etc) it results in higher quality movement:

• A while ago I found I could improve my posture (in a really bad way I now realise) by tensing a lot of my muscles, which ‘forces’ the body into a pose which looks, on the surface at least, better than the slump I used to go around in. This is like what bodybuilders do to strike a pose. This involved several separate sets:
  • Tense the neck (have to laugh at this now, that I did it intentionally :D)
  • Tense the chest
  • Tense the lower back
  • Tense and suck in the stomach
  • Tense the shoulders
• Sucking in the stomach, in a slightly different way to the one above - can’t explain it but it used different muscles. This was for a different reason (so I didn’t look as fat back when I was a bit overweight). Now I know this is self-defeating, you’ll never hold it in and then when the voluntary muscles which weren’t designed for this get tired and collapse, even the thinnest person will look like they’ve got a beer gut if they try this approach…
• Arching my lower back to try and ’stand up tall’.

Semi Supine

Haven’t had any time to lie semi-supine over the last few days, might get 15 mins in before bed now. I was noticing some interesting things doing it a few days ago, particularly being able to feel some things I was doing very high up the neck, and being able to release this tension easily every time I noticed it throughout the day (often - I must be tensing it all the time - great if I can reduce the general level of tension in my neck).

How the technique works

I think you give directions, which result in some muscular release, but eventually from going through the direct -> release -> unconsiouscly-tense cycle over & over & over again you reach a point where you can kinesthetically sense and predict the tensing, which is the point where you can actually stop it and cause a release “manually” i.e. with direct control rather than giving directions. Thus, the Alexander Technique improves the kinesthetic sense. I’ve thought before that this is the very essence of it…

Although releasing it while ‘doing’ something else still isn’t direct and straightforward…

And I should add that I’ve realised what the technique ‘is’ a hundred different times… but I think every one tells you something fascinating about the human organism and the use of the self… interesting times.

Opportunity for practise

Unable to get a plumber/builder (thankfully got a plasterer) so I’m going to refurbish my bathroom myself, including removing the electric shower and a partition wall, plumbing in a new mixer shower, moving a radiator, replacing the suite and all new tiling. Plenty of opportunity to practise consciously directed, high quality use of the self…

Plenty of opportunity but it’s hard not to end-gain when you’ve got a job to do, no bath, sink or toilet and you need to get them back up and running

Breathing

Inhibition is not doing anything, but I have to breathe, which is keeping me ‘doing’. I’m sure I’m doing lots of unnecessary stuff when I breathe, I have to get out the way of my body and let the reflex take over.

End Gaining

I used to have more success with this than I do now - which probably means I’m end-gaining to try and do it the way I used to - this is a pattern that’s happened with several things…

It’s tough not to end-gain because even when you’re not end-gaining you’re still working towards the end, just not by such a direct route… almost like you’re fooling yourself and doing it without you noticing.

DIY

Did some plumbing today, whenever I stand up after crouching down I’m getting a pain in my right hamstring - in fact I get this to a lesser extent when sitting normally. I think I’m really clenching my hamstrings when I crouch right down.

Got a bit of an improvement in my use when bending, by thinking of the whole body (and keeping the neck free) but allowing the sit bones to ‘lead’ the downwards motion (pointing out like brake-lights/tail-lights).

I think about my posture, form and the way I’m using my self many times throughout the day, and try to do things better with varying degrees of success and attention.

Every so often, before doing an activity, I manage to completely stop myself and focus on the main directions I find work best for me:

1. Neck free
2. Head not moving back or down
3. Spine lengthening
4. Not arching the back
5. Not pushing the hips forward
6. Legs releasing away from the hips
7. Shoulders releasing away from each other

Most of the time, however, I find that in the pause I’ve created in order to give the directions, my mind wanders off and I lose track of the original end. Then when I remember what I’m supposed to be doing I either “end gain” and go straight for it (with the habitual pattern of movement) or I just go through a cycle of:

1. Become aware of an end
2. Stop
3. Give directions
4. Mind wanders off
5. Remember the end
6. Go to 2.

Sometimes, when my mind doesn’t wander off, and I just give the directions many times and then make a fresh decision about what I’m going to do, at the very point where I shift my attention to making the decision, I can feel all the directions take effect - my neck frees and my spine lengthens. Then, keeping with the directions, I do what I had decided upon and make the movement in a new and unfamiliar way (a good way), and I also notice my mind is so clear - all the chatter has stopped.

I don’t seem to be able to do this on demand though, as I said most of the time when I try to give directions my attention wanders off and it just doesn’t work like this.

The things I’ve noticed about when it does work:

• Although I’ve stopped myself and inhibited any immediate reaction to the best of my ability, I’m still fully aware of the end I want to gain - this musn’t get forgotten and sidelined by the process.
  • Reminds of a quote I read in the Edward Maisel book (I think) about not forgetting the aim: “doing something for no reason is a sign of insanity” an adequate description of the cycle I mentioned above.
• As I give the directions, I think of their effect right through the movement I’m going to make (while still not doing anything) - like making a plan for the movement. I think of the whole movement with the neck being free (direction 1) and then the whole thing again with the neck being free and the head moving forward and up (directions 1 & 2), then again with 1, 2 & 3 and so on until I have them all ‘running’.
  • This is very “3 dimensional” thinking
  • When it’s working properly I can feel something in the muscles as I give the directions, but I never focus on them, this is just something I’m aware of in the background. It’s like the muscles which the directions are intended to relax are releasing a little bit, in preparation to relax throughout the movement.
• I’m not worried about whether I’m doing it right. Note: I think it might be good to remind myself about this as the first step every time.
• I’m not thinking about the process, I’m just doing it.
• I’ve done it both on the spur of the moment and when I’ve really set out to “do” the technique.
• I’m not too focused on anything in particular.
• My mind isn’t racing off thinking about other things - although as I said when I do manage it it really clears my mind - I’d like to be able to do it in order to stop my mind racing off.

For having tried to learn the Alexander Technique for over a year, I’ve probably actually only managed this really successfully a few times. I think I need a bit more discipline (without fear/tension/stiffening). I’m sure when I do it right, though, this is the Alexander Technique…

If only I could do it more often…

The man himself:

What can I do to execute the inhibition-direction-decision-action procedure more successfully? Hints to self:

• Be more confident and don’t care about the result. Any concern over whether I’m doing it right causes apprehension & tension which dooms me to failure. I really do care about doing it right, but the means whereby I shall do it right is to not care whether it is right. This is hard to do
• Review my blog to pick out the important points I’ve noted.

Semi-Supine

When lying semi-supine don’t try to do anything, just lie there (thanks for the hint Dan). Reminds me of:

You do not need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait.
Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked,
it has no choice,
it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
- Franz Kafka

Conscious Guidance & Control

Read a chapter of Man’s Supreme Inheritance last night where Alexander touched upon the habit of apprehension in a bit more detail. As he points, when an animal is confronted with something new, its reaction is fear and it can’t function normally in such a situation.

The “supreme inheritance” of man is the ability to be confronted with a new (or indeed familiar) situation and apply “conscious guidance and control”. As he pointed out, though, many people react to new (and indeed familiar) situations with an unnecessary degree of apprehension (fear) when they are in fact in no physical danger.

Alexander thought this was key in civilized society where we are continually stimulated and presented with new situations, if we are not to stay in a constant state of nervous fear.

Key points of conscious guidance and control:

The ability to inhibit any immediate, subconscious reaction

I’d say you need to be aware of the exact physical things you’re doing in order to inhibit the reaction - any “fear” or “mind chatter” is always accompanied by increases in tension in particular muscles. If you can stop the muscular reaction, you stop the associated mental/emotional component which caused it - not always easy but it is something physical and concrete to work on.

Thanks to John for suggesting that I consider “mind chatter” as purely physical and watch out for little movements of the facial muscles e.g. around the eyes, flaring the nostrils. I’ve paid attention to this over the last few days and it “checks out” so far.

Note - the fear response / startle pattern has a particular set of muscular pulls - TODO find out more about this as knowing exactly what to watch out for will help.

The ability to reason out the best response to a situation

Alexander mainly talked about use of the physical mechanisms of the self in this regard, but from the above comments I would say it also applies to the mental attitude to a situation.

He gave some examples where “a person” (who my teacher thinks is Alexander himself, although he doesn’t say) was able, from observing other people and then reasoning out the best way to use the body, to pick up and ride a bike the first time he tried, including busy town cycling on the 2nd day, and to fence straight away after watching an exhibition tournament.

This is contrasted to the “subconsciously guided” approach to learning where you just start trying, and get better by trial and error.

Of course, to reason out the best course of action one needs to be calm. If your habitual response to a situation is one of apprehension, it will reduce your ability to reason. This is probably only a problem when confronting new situations, as in situations you know you’re going to confront, you can reason out the desired response when you are calm, before it happens (hint: if you can’t think about something calmly even when out of the situation, try audio self hypnosis e.g. I found these really helpful).

The ability to perform the reasoned response while continuing to inhibit the unwanted reactions

This comes back to the procedure Alexander developed, and which he described in Use of the Self in the chapter Evolution of a Technique.

I have to go now though, I will update notes on this over the next few days… I need to think more about how it applies to habitual apprehension and mind chatter in particular.

Live without any fear and with total peace of mind

Could this be the way to live without fear and with total peace of mind…? It sounds like an approach at least - and it isn’t the usual airy-fairy rubbish. I think this is a way of avoiding the fear habit rather than fear itself… will be interesting to see how it goes.

Exercise

Did some exercise two nights ago: 15 mins rowing, 15 mins on the cross trainer, then a steam room. Haven’t done any for about a 3-4 weeks due to Christmas, but it made me feel really tired and tense the next day, especially around the ribs. I think regular exercise makes you feel better, that definitely didn’t.

Work

I need a change of profession - not enjoying software development - I need a good break, but a complete change would be better. In many ways it could just be a habit of focusing on the things I don’t like about it - there are much worse jobs to do - but the physical side and the tedium is making me tense, which is exhausting by the end of the week, plus I end up watching the clock from about 11am (one habit I would definitely benefit from breaking).

Alexander talked about the habit of “mind-wandering” and the impossibility of forcing yourself to “concentrate” on something. I’m doing what he talked about when ‘trying’ to focus on my work e.g. furrowing the brow, bending over, which don’t help with the job at all. Alexander knew the solution - whole mind/body determination to complete the task. All I want to do when I’m there is stand up and walk out, though, his technique isn’t helping with that

Read an interview with some musicians about applying the Alexander Technique - they mentioned someone saying ideally you should give up playing for a year when learning the technique, and said it’s very difficult to have lessons at the same time as doing the thing that is messing you up. I can see this - the habits you indulge in all day, every day at work have quite a hold on you and are irresistible once you get caught up in work - it would be so much easier to establish good habits from a clean start.

Now I just need to arrange a year off work… it’s not outside the realm of possibility if I quit the permanent job and get some well paid contract jobs, although I’d have to move around.

Generally speaking…

I’m finding it impossible to reach the state of stillness which I used to be able to get from lying semi-supine, it can be a real chore trying, but I’ve got to do something to help the stiff neck and shoulders I’m getting from work.

I can’t stop the mind racing and make a connection with my body, over the last 2 days in particular. Having no success with any of the mental imagery or other stuff I’ve been trying. Boo hoo.

♦ Letting the eyes move freely about has a big effect on the way the body moves and can help keep the neck free. One thing which used to help me but seems to have less effect now is trying to relinquish control of what I’m looking at - just freeing the eyes and seeing whatever they happen to look at can help to perceive the head as a part of the whole body and avoid narrow focus.

Came across this article on “Somatic Education” (including AT) - to read in more detail tomorrow. Mentions Hanna Somatic Education & the Feldenkrais method in connection to the startle reflex (fear reflex) as the fundamental cause of postural distortion. Funny how I never even really explicitly thought of fear as part of this until I started this journal last week. It had occurred to me before though - keeping this journal is serving its intended purpose.

In fact there’s loads of interesting stuff in that article - note to self: READ IT TOMORROW.

Another article mentioned the “Pandicular Response” (in relation to Hanna SE) as a reponse of the body to “neuromuscular refreshment” when a sufficiently different sensory experience occurs - find more on this. Sounds like this is what happens when you apply AT and break old habits of movement.

I’m starting to notice the first effects of applying the “right-brain” mental imagery of the horizontal “director” and vertical “motor” sections (mentioned in previous posts) on my posture & movement. I’ll continue applying this over the coming days.

Note: thoughts of moving my head “up” my spine to correct the body mapping issue are becoming less effective than they were. Is this because I’m focusing on other things or have they done their work? I’ll continue trying with this because I’ve come across it in the past and it’s been forgotten when I’m sure there’s value in it.

There’s definitely something to be gained by inhibiting these two. Yesterday I lay semi-supine and just tried to “not be afraid” and stop any fear reflex. I noticed this is definitely a habit of mine - the reflex is constantly firing, and is triggered when my mind wanders off on some “chatter”. I should only be afraid when in physical danger…

When I can stop these two, releasing tension from the muscles is much easier. I’m going to practise on them and see how it goes.

On another note I got a response from the author of the article I mentioned about the trouble I was having in releasing the upper part of my spine & neck - he suggested focusing on the image in the article where the ‘director’ (head & top part of the shoulders) is horizontal and free from the vertical torso, rather than thinking of internal features like vertebrae. I’ll try this out - initial experiments have been positive but it takes a bit of practise to get these images ‘going’.

I was thinking of booking another lesson this week but I think I’ve got plenty to work with.

One thing that’s annoying me about the AT is how long it’s taking me to learn. Normally I pick up new things very quickly. I’m sure there has been progress, though, but it’s hard to tell exactly what…

Self Study

For the first 6 months of learning the Alexander Technique, I had no lessons - I read the following books:

1. The Use of the Self - F. M. Alexander. Essential reading I think, particularly the Evolution of a Technique in which Alexander describes how he came up with the technique. This really needs careful study and will make more sense with repeated reading as you go on and learn more about the body.
2. The Alexander Technique Workbook - Richard Brennan. Very good, diagrams of the spine etc are useful, fairly helpful if you’re trying to work out how to ‘do it’.
3. The Alexander Technique - Liz Hodginson. More a description of the benefits, not much practical advice on how to do it, not recommended for this reason.

I also read all information available through these links. Uprighting.com is good and has lots of animations & pictures - although it doesn’t really mention the Alexander Technique much.

This description of an ‘Alexander Strategy’ is interesting, as I’ve often thought about this sort of thing but never so clearly as its been written here. Only came across this a couple of weeks ago, before this I hadn’t really thought much about the ‘upflow’ in the spine which seems so fundamental to the way her teachers have taught it.

Recently read “The Essential Writings of F Matthias Alexander” - summaries of Alexander’s books by Edward Maisel - introduction is very useful. It also includes an article by Frank Pierce Jones which includes excellent schematic diagrams of the muscular structures involved in the neck. Note to self - find more stuff by him.

Currently reading Man’s Supreme Inheritance by Alexander.

What I missed from the books

Not that they definitely weren’t in the books, but I didn’t give these things sufficient importance:

1. Inhibition is the key - don’t neglect it by focusing on directions. Directions are really only there to help inhibition - as a check to make sure it happens properly.
2. How you direct your attention is important - you should not ‘focus’ on the neck, the attention should be on the whole body. When giving a direction, it’s like putting it in the post and sending it off, trusting it will arrive in the future - you don’t focus on the area until you feel something happen. The attention should be kept as wide as possible. You can give the directions as many times as necessary - it doesn’t have to happen immediately.
3. Don’t get frustrated. Easier said than done but you can only ‘do it’ with a relaxed attitude of ‘whatever happens, happens’

Things I only got from a teacher

1. Specific pointers about what I’m doing wrong
2. Feedback as to when I’m doing it right. Sometimes I didn’t even realise anything had happened!
3. Images & directions to help with these things

I’d say if you’re going to learn on your own, you can do it, but you’ll save yourself so much time with a few initial lessons, and then probably some top-ups every now and then or if you get stuck. Which you will!

I shall continue to update this journal with relections on my experiences so far.